What I'm too shy to say
by inkandpapertwin7
Summary: Carly gives Sam and Freddie Diary's after their fight at Pinni's restaurant. Feeling come out easier on paper. Rated T just in case :
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Hey, I don't own icarly and Sam's middle name is not really pamela.**

Dear Diary (Diary? Am I supposed call you Diary? Ugh, Whatever.)

Carly bought this for me after the epic fail date at Pinni's. She told me it's called a Diary, and that girls write their "feelings" in this. Freddie thought it was a good idea...so I'm doing this for him. This is all new to me. Being Freddie's...girlfriend. Ugh, I hate that word. It makes me sound like a daffodil. Everything makes me sound like a daffodil recently. I'm not good with this kind of stuff. I started calling Freddie "Baby" and he seems to like it, but I'm not sure. So far, I fail at being a girlfriend. I just don't know what to say! I've almost never, ever been at a loss for words but somehow that nerd makes me all... jittery. But Hey! Freddie's not the picture of perfect either. He's always picking on me now. Carly says it just _feels_ like he's picking on me because I'm trying so hard to please him. I don't want to admit that's true...I just keep wondering when Freddie is going to come to his senses and realize it's me he's dating. Me. Samantha Pamela Puckett a non-girly, meat-loving, not-so-perfect girl. Yes, I wear boxers instead of...other choices of underwear, and I sometimes talk with my mouth full, and sometimes I just feel like punching someone, but...I'm me. I hope that's the kind of girl Freddie wants.

-Sam

Dear Diary,

I feel like a dork. I can't believe that I, Fredward Benson am writing in a diary. A diary! This is what girls are supposed to do, NOT ME! But...Sam is going to use hers too, we promised each other. That makes me feel better. Carly bought these for the both of us after our date at Pinni's. I hope this helps us with our arguments. I can't help fighting with Sam. I just have this strange suspicion that one day, Sam is going to wake up and say "What was I thinking? Dating Freddie? Ew!" I feel awful that I feel this way, but I need to be careful. I hate to admit it, but I _really_ like Sam...like, almost LOVE Sam. I love how she's a little grossed out by her feelings, I love that she could protect me if we ever got mugged, I love how she always keeps ham in her purse for emergencies. I love her long curly hair and how hard she tries to remember her manners. I absolutley love how she calls me baby. She says it timidly...almost as if wondering if I am her baby. I just hope she likes me as much as I like her. I'm starting to realize, that I've liked her for a really long time. I didn't really admit it to myself back then, but now I know it's true. I've liked her ever since our first kiss out on the balcony in 8th grade. There's no girl I've liked more than Sam.

-Freddie

**Sooooo...Tell me whatcha think! CONTINUE? OR NOT?**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Kay so WARNING! Somewhat sad. Tell me what you think. Too much? Let me know cuz' I'm a little uneasy on this chapter.**

Dear Diary,

I need to...I guess I need to...Ugh, look at me! I can't even complete my sentences! I'm trying so hard not to cry right now, because Sam Puckett never cries. I just feel awful! I've never felt like this before! (Except for the time I had that suckish job at chili my bowl.) I never meant to hurt Freddie when I sabotaged his nerd camp application! I was angry, and I didn't think. I ruined Freddie's chances to go to any college he wants! Ugh! How can Freddie stand me? I know we kissed and made up, but I still have this awful aching inside. What is it? What can I do to make it go away? If I could go back in time and get Freddie into camp I would in a heartbeat. I just hope he'll forgive me. I hope he realizes that what Carly said was true. I do love him. UGH! EW! I know! But...I'm pretty sure it's true. I'm pretty sure. I mean how can you not love a guy who forgives you even after you flush his chances of college down the drain? I can't help the tears flowing down my face. Uh Oh, Someone's knocking on the door. I forgot to mention that I locked myself in the iCarly studio about an fifteen minutes ago. It's Freddie. I can see him in the glass of the door. He's obviously been looking for me, but I can't let him see my tear stained face.

"Sam! Are you in there?" he says.

"I'll be right out!" I say...just as soon as my face looks normal again.

-Sam

Dear Diary,

I could tell something was wrong with Sam the minute I heard her voice. It was high and squeaky. Unlike the normal Sam voice I love. I quickly grabbed the key on top of the door frame and unlocked the door. I walked in on Sam, sitting in a corner, crying. I asked her if she was hurt but she yelled at me to go away. Something filled up in my heart. I guess it was anger, seeing my girl hurt and crying. I wanted to know who did this to her. What made her cry? Without speaking I just wrapped my arms around her. I pressed her head into my chest and stroked her blonde wavy hair. She just cried. I was somewhat shocked. I had never seen Sam this upset. (Except for the time she got that awful job at chili my bowl, but I only saw her for like 2 seconds.) I'm still wondering why she is crying when she says "I'm really sorry, Freddie!"

What is she sorry about? I pulled her away from me and brushed some hair out of her face. She was so pretty, I hate to see her so sad.

"Your...Nerd Camp application!"

I have to admit, I was surprised. I wasn't mad at her anymore. I had forgiven her. I gave her a kiss on the forehead and told her that I was fine. I didn't know she cared that much. I mean, Carly had said that Sam loved me, but I didn't know if it was true. Now I knew. Sam Puckett, my normally tough, dirty, and rude girlfriend was now laying in my arms pouring her heart out. Her lips were pink and plump, her eyes and cheeks were puffy her blue eyes sparkled with the shine of her tears. I needed to say something, anything, to make this better. I knew exactly what I'd say. Those three little words I'd been hiding inside myself.

"Sam...I love you okay!"

In a flash, her tears were gone, and her lips were on mine.

-Freddie

**K so hoping to write the next chapter after iLove You ! So excited!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Alright this chapter is coming but OMG! I just watched the freaking' iLove You episode and I am going crazy. What does it mean! I'm almost hesitant to write this chapter afraid I'll jinx it and they won't be together :( This is how iLove You should have ended. And if they don't get back together I'll...I'll WRITE THE ICARLY SCRIPT FOR DAN! THATS RIGHT /3**

**POOP! I JUST WROTE AN ENTIRE THING AND IT DELETED :( So tell me if its awful.  
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Dear Diary,

My lips were busy with Sam but my mind was roaming elsewhere. Had we really just broke up? Had she just admitted that she loved me? What now? Were we friends? Or what? I pulled Sam closer to me. There were things I was going to miss about that girl. How her lips always tasted like honey, How her blonde locks framed her perfect face, How her cheeks got rosy whenever I embarassed her. How she does that face, the one she's doing right now. She stares at me with a blank expression, hiding her feelings inside. I flash back to yesterday. Holding her as she cried into my shoulder. I don't ever want to hurt her. Do I even want to break up with her? I mean, I told her that I loved her...Doesn't that count for something? I just want this moment to last forever. So I don't have to face the truth.

**-Freddie**

Dear Diary,

I held on to Freddie for as long as I could. We could each tell that it was getting closer to twelve o' clock. Did he think I was serious when I said we'd break up at 12? No, I was kidding. I don't even think I want to break up with Freddie. Do I? I'm so confused and I can feel the tears pricking in the back of my eyes. What is up with me crying all the time? That's one thing I won't miss about being Freddie's...girlfriend. But, I'm going to miss other things. About him. Like the way he holds me when we kiss, The way he keeps me calm when I really feel like screaming, His adorable chocolate brown eyes. Oh god, I don't want to go through with this! Maybe it's because he's the only guy who's ever told me he loves me. He starts to pull away and I can feel my heart break. He gets up off his bean bag chair and kisses my forehead. "Goodnight" he says. Goodnight...but not Goodbye. After he leaves I just curl up into a ball and stare up at the ceiling for hours.

**- Sam**

**CARLY'S DIARY:**

Dear Diary,

After ending Spencer's creepy date with the babysitter, I went up to bed. I walked in and saw Freddie on my couch pushing a toy train back and forth on my coffee table. He looked up at me with a frown. He told me that he and Sam broke up. I feel like a football has hit me in the stomach. I'm gasping for air, wondering where Sam is. She must be heart broken. I need to find her. I ask Freddie if he knows where she is, he says no and I can tell that he's trying not to cry. Never, in all my years of knowing Freddie have I seen him cry. I want to know why they broke up. Everything seemed to be going...(Well I wouldn't say good...but things were going fine, I thought.) Freddie just grabs his toy train and throws it across the room. He's angry now. I don't know why, but I just leave him there. Maybe if I find Sam I'll get more of the answers I need. Before going, I lay Freddie down on my couch and put a blanket over him. I tell him I'm going to find Sam and he nodds.

**- Carly**


End file.
